09/13/2009: "Bear"

music: Tegan and Sara - "Back in Your Head"
mood: Worried

This year has been one of the hardest of my life.

If all the trauma from the last few months wasn't enough, with the death of Mango, my grandma, and my parakeets, as well as Powder's pneumonia and several major life changes... our older dog Bear was just diagnosed with kidney failure. He seems to be hanging in there still, but we don't know much about his prognosis. Josh has had Bear since he was in 3rd grade, so of course, this news is heartbreaking for him and his family.

Every time I begin to believe in life again, something like this comes along and makes me realize my own mortality once more. I guess death is a natural part of life, but it took me 21 years to really be hit in the face with it like I have been this year.

I have lost loved ones many times before, but it just seemed like it was their "time," and my time was so far away from approaching. Now, at 21 years of age, I feel like I can taste my demise. Pretty sad, since at 21, my life should just be beginning. Everyone wants to be this age for the fun times and the parties, and all I can think about is dying.